I am probably being a whinny person lately. I hope this forum is the right place to speak it out of my chest.

I'm reaching my 2 months in my new work place. At first it was ok, I feel fine when they gave me the administrative works. As time goes by, it turns out that I am not good at it and it can be shown from my psycho test. Yesterday, we had a meeting that was supposed to review what things that need to be improved. However, in my point of view, it turned out to be my "execution" day. I was being cornered not only my boss, some of my colleagues even my own team turned out to be a back stabber. I wish I could tell one of my team how much I hate it when he throw out what supposed to be his responsibility and always make someone else to clean his mess. That's what happened in the meeting. My face was being stepped on, while he freely walk out of the problem. I held my tears. I felt I was torn. I cried after the meeting, in the car after work and last night in my bed.

It is not easy to get rid off this uneasy feeling. Those words, the tone, and that facial expression...it made me thinking of committing suicide last night. I was thinking of going to any bus way shelter and jump off and hopefully a fast car would hit my body.

It's still hard to forgive those people, as I feel like I wanna punch them in the face or pull her hair. But I know it won't solve the problem.

What I hate is, if you already know that I'm not good at administration, why put me there in the first place?

It was my 2nd week at work, and they expected me to run as someone who has 3-4 years experience. No I can't. The reason why I did it wrong in the first place is because I was briefed like that. And the brief was on and off. There was not a written instruction on how to do it. And when it fails, all fingers are pointed at me.

Those words yesterday and the email that she sent today, they make me feel unappreciated. I feel that, they have hired wrong person, and I hate the feeling of it.

I know I did not ask her before taking overtime hours, but with that high load of work, it is impossible to let it sit for the next day.

Lord, I feel like resigning.