[Writing] Improve your writing, get it revised by others
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[Writing] Improve your writing, get it revised by others
We had this thread before, checking other people's writing.
So shall I go first?
Here's the text.
Despite the intensive and short period of the course, I was able to befriend with other students, especially those from Hong Kong. I am very fortunate to have taken Prof. Chois managerial accounting. What Ive experienced through this course is just inexplicable. BUT, I am confident that it was an overwhelmingly positive experience.
Feel free to edit.
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Original Posted By noxiii►hi, please kindly revised my essay for chevening scholarship
Spoiler for essay 1:
In talking about leadership, I always hold the quote that says: "Leadership is not a position or a title, it is action and example". From that standpoint, albeit I do not have the position of leading people right now, I always have leadership attitudes. Henceforth, If I want to be a great leader, I have to be great disciple myself.
When I became provision staff in my church's birthday event, we were short-handed for helping in the backstage area. Also, the teams who organized the rundown were disoriented because there was no one giving them instructions. As I read the circumstances, I took the initiative to handle the situation and tell them to calm. Afterwards, I gave my hand for helping them to communicate with other divisions so they could have clear instructions. It might seem like small thing, but at the moment of evaluation, our leader appreciated my actions to manage the team's communication.
Speaking of being an influential individual, I prefer not to focus in the strategy of being an influencer. I believe that being an influencer will come naturally after you become a charismatic leader. I am confident enough that I have the charismatic characteristic because I always lead by great mentors in any situations. Humbly saying, I believe that Chevening Scholarship program does not want to choose me because of my leadership skills but in fact because of my eagerness to always learn to be the best leader as people want.
Spoiler for essay 2:
At the present time, networking has become a crucial skill we have because of the globalization. I am actively involved in various community and events, such as literature discussion, cinema club, and non-profit organization. All of the above gives me the opportunity to meet people from different backgrounds and relations with mine.
For instance, I have good networking by being regularly involved in Jakarta Book Club meetup. Starting from a regular member until finally the founder entrusts me to lead the meetup monthly since I can manage the meetup as moderator. Since then, there are so many people I have to deal with, from maintaining a positive discussion until dealing with brand collaboration. My easy-going and intellectual curiosity traits combine with my good communication skill help me to connect with those people easily. Eventually, people are willing to lend me hands when I need it.
Another example is simply when I get my job because of a person I met in non-profit organization recommended me for the employment. I believe that it is not nepotism because he knows me well, but because he saw me that I am the right person he only knew. From that point, I believe that I can use my networking for mutual benefits, not only to me and my acquaintance but also to both of my acquaintances.
By joining Chevening Chevening scholarship program, I am expecting that I will have many more opportunities to connect with great positive people, especially with other awardee and United Kingdom government officials to gain global knowledge and international cultures. With that networking, it will be necessary in my future journey to achieve my goal which is to gather positive people to inspire other people by sharing their stories.
If we love a creation, should we love the creator as well? Because the creation was still part of the creator.. but what if a creation is actually not attached to their creator. What if the creator acted only as a medium? Look at how we love old music, poem, literature, architecture yet we may have no business with the dead creator. We can't really love someone that already dead, right? We just love the idea, an idea without flesh nor real personality.
I always say that I love Beethoven, that the compositions he made arouse me, touch my heart, mess with my emotion and get me addicted. Can you tell if I actually love Beethoven or just his Piano Sonata? Beethoven often depicted as a temperamental man, the one with angry face. Do you think he'll perceive as a likeable person? A great creation may be created by someone we despise and someone who we think as awesome person may create something that isn't our cup of tea.
And also what if, what we love about a person is his/her smile. A beautiful smile wouldn't be ignored. And what if we appreciate someone's hair, we don't really care about the person.
Ah, it's called aesthetical attraction ,my dear.
When I am writing this I didn't translate it from Bahasa Indonesia. I actually try to think in English, I asked that someone inside my head to spoke to me in English. My Grammar is still shit. Please get it revised