jojotsai1012: It’s been 12 days since the break up. I’ve gone out, had meals, watched movies, drank, sang KTV with all sorts of guys, and any one of them is more handsome than he is, richer than he is. I say this only to prove that it isn’t that I can’t find guys better than him, much less me thinking him so good looking, so rich. There are a bunch of men with good circumstances around me, as friends who know me all know. It’s just that my heart is unable to accept anyone else. Every time I go out [with them], I end up crying. I force myself to smile, I tell myself “the most important part of being a person is to be happy”, I constantly hypnotize [deceive, convince] myself, but in the end I can’t hypnotize my heart. I don’t understand, if the one you choose isn’t me, why did you give me this much hope/expectations, give me this many promises? If you never thought of having a child with me, why did you let me think of a name? He said before that if his mother doesn’t agree to us getting married, he will date [remain as a couple] with me forever, getting married when we are old. This really is the most romantic words of love I’ve ever heard in my life, but it was also a lie. All of this I cannot forget, can never forget, unless I die.

Turns out all of the nightmares I had those few days were all real. All the things I dreamed of have all truly happened. It’s just that I was blind and ignorant of it all at the time, suspecting and learning of everything too late. In my life, I haven’t done any [seriously] bad things, so why subject me to this kind of torment? Life has been so miserable these past few days. I want to forget all of this, to control my mood and not be crying painfully late at night every night, but I can’t do it, there’s nothing I can do. All of this is too unfair to me, I can’t bear it.